Caught Naked

You are at home, naked as the day you were born and happier for being so, minding your own business. When it happens, there is a knock at the front door. What do you do? Most naturists have been there before and I believe most of us have a plan of action for such occurrences, at least those who do not live at a naturist park or resort and have to think about who is on the other side of the door.  Unfortunately I do not live at a naturist park or resort, and nudity laws are still on the books where we live so we have made some preparations.  Tara and I added frosting to the accent windows next to our front door and replaced the glass insert with a fully frosted one as well.  And just for convenience we each have a spare set of clothes tucked away in the front hall closet so we don’t have to run up stairs and miss out on a delivery.

Like many naturists, we choose to keep a hard line between our naturist world and our textile friends and family. I know many of you are much more open and that is wonderful, however my chosen career path and my very conservative, very religious family make this close to impossible. To keep the peace and avoid the drama only our closest friends and fellow naturists know the truth about our naturist life. Sometimes we do blur the line a little, and we have one close friend in particular that allows us to do so easily.  Cathy (not her real name) is not a naturist but is very “liberal” leaning, and the three of us have been friends since high school. Not only was she one of the first to know when Tara and I became a couple, but she was also one of the first to know we are naturists.  Thanks to Cathy’s openness and comfort with us, when she visits Tara and I are free to remain nude while she remains clothed although even Cathy dips her toe in the naturist water if only a little. Our new hot tub (great addition to the naturist home!) is primarily for “nudes only” and she loves the hot tub enough to take part au natural, although usually not before a glass of wine.  We also have a new tradition of sorts when watching hockey games at our house, the three of us each wear only a hockey jersey.  Its a pretty great arrangement that allows us be naturists at home even when a close friend visits, and allows her to be a bit more “liberal” without crossing the line into full naturism for which she is not ready. Yet.

Tara and I love watching hockey on TV and it is extra special when Cathy joins us. On a pexels-photo-1459558recent Saturday night, also known as “Hockey Night in Canada”, we were getting ready for Cathy to arrive, we got her usual text, “be there in 2 minutes” and sure enough the doorbell rang a few minutes later.  Tara thought nothing of it to go to the door as she has done in this situation several times before and opened it without covering up, peaking her head out while doing her best to keep her body behind the door as protection from the cold outside and just in case any neighbours may be out for a walk. From the kitchen I hear Tara greeting Cathy

“About time you…..    shit”

And the door slammed.

It was not Cathy as expected, and it was not the UPS or Pizza delivery guys, we have had those close calls before. No it was a bit more awkward than that. Tara’s sister was at the door, wanting to drop something off while she was in the area unexpectedly. And wow was it unexpected for us all. Tara’s sister like the rest of her family knows nothing about naturism. Not conservative or religious in the way my family is, but also not ones to think spending most of your free time without clothes is anything but perverted debauchery. So what do we do now? Her sister is still outside the door, we are inside and fully naked.  Actually I had oven mitts on as the timer for the mozza sticks in the oven had just buzzed as the doorbell rang, but that was not helping in the current predicament. I know many of you may have been in this situation and maybe you handled it differently than we did, or will if this one day happens to you, but to be honest we panicked. Like a couple of teenagers who just got caught losing their virginity, I streaked upstairs, pun intended, while Tara grabbed her spare outfit from the closet and dressed faster than you would think possible, both of us cursing to ourselves “shit, shit, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck”. Finally Tara reopened the door completely out of breath, but at least dressed.

At first it was a little funny. Tara was laughing as her sister entered, completely shocked but not into silence, not at all. “What the fuck are you two doing? I know you are still a new couple but were you having sex in the kitchen? And why the hell did you answer the door with no clothes on?” This only made Tara laugh more. Further questions followed as I finished getting dressed and eventually got the courage to return from my upstairs hiding place. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, Tara’s sister still asking questions in the kitchen, Tara laughing so much she was unable to answer any of them, the door bell rang again. I opened the door, and then it got a little more funny.  This time it was Cathy who seemed to pick the one break in the noise to joke:

“Is everything ok? Why aren’t you naked?”

Thanks Cathy, that was just what this situation needed, more awkward questions.

“Oh my God, Cathy is part of this? Did I interrupt an orgy? What the fuck is wrong with you people?”

It took some time, but eventually Tara managed to stop laughing long enough to tell her sister that it was not what she thought, not as bad as it looks, and “please don’t tell dad”

Now what? I have a hard enough time discussing what naturism is and is not, with fellow naturists who understandably have varied opinions. It was more difficult trying to open up about it with our close friends who are not exposed to social nudity outside their bedrooms. Clearing up this disaster was something else entirely.  First you have to repeat many times: we are not perverts and this has nothing to do with sex. In her own way Cathy was helpful for that part at least, mentioning many times that even the idea of sex with me was very upsetting to her.  We spent a good hour explaining what we think naturism is for us and how we found our way into being naturists, oh and did we mention it has nothing to do with sex, at least for us?  One thing that did seem to help the conversation was something I admit I borrowed from another naturist, but I can’t remember who it was. I spelled out that just because some one is naked, does not mean you will be aroused, just because someone is fully clothed, does not mean you wont be, the clothes are irrelevant.  We also tried to compare other cultural differences and how one group may be offended by another groups traditional clothing or be grossed out by some culinary dishes. Not that I have given much thought to Naturism as being its own culture, but I have to admit when you put it that way, it does seem to make some sense and it helped the conversation along. The important thing is we seemed to make some sense and she agreed to keep this to herself, and just as important, to call before stopping by in the future. In the end the only upsetting thing to come from all this was we missed the first two periods of the hockey game, Toronto won so it could have been worse. Go Leafs Go!

I know plenty of you will say we could have avoided this by not hiding our naturist life to begin with, and that is true. The reality for us is that is just not a possibility and would create a whole new world of problems.  I like to keep my life as simple as possible and for that reason we will continue to take steps to keep those two worlds separate. I figure by the time I retire no one will be left who cares and I can move to a naturist club in Florida or Mexico. I am interested in hearing how others have handled this situation themselves so if you have been here before yourself, please share in the comments or reply via my Facebook or Twitter pages


20 thoughts on “Caught Naked

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  2. This is the very reason we have chosen to tell our friends, family many neighbors and a few business associates. It helps avoid any embarrassing situations and often times opens the door to positive discussions about nudity.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I prefer to not keep my nudism as a secret, but until I retired from teaching, I couldn’t let the families of my students know; they’d misinterpret the lifestyle.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I am fully out at work and with my own family. My wife is half way out at work (close colleagues) but not with her family. This is the main reason she isn’t comfortable with me discussing it online. I really hope when the time comes her elders understand and don’t drive her back to hiding or worse. My foray into naturism is still fairly recent so I can’t expect the kids to accept it at home yet and they just aren’t ready to move out yet. Once they are gone my wishes are to post a warning on the front door so I don’t have to be uncomfortable in my home for the sake of strangers. I’d like to answer naked.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Haven’t had the situation of opening the door nude, but I have had packages delivered while nude, but only found out after the fact. Whether they saw me or not, who knows. When our neighbors moved next door (we have some acreage) we explained that they are welcome to come over anytime, but if they don’t call first they may see more than they had bargained for. Eventually they joined us a few times skinny dipping in the pool or nude in the hot tub.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. If you haven’t discovered the Biblical Naturist, you should. He writes extensively to show that the most common attitudes among Christians about nudity are not Biblical, but cultural. I came across him while researching #MeToo and #ChurchToo. As a result, I lead a small group at my church to discuss the issues raised and to call on the church to be Berean and find out what the Bible really teaches. It may help you talk to your family.


  7. We live on some acreage in Montana which is secluded so I had no problem letting my girls run naked while we built our home. We have a gate but generally leave it open. Then one day, the down the road neighbor drove in while the girls were frolicking. He didn’t say anything about seeing them but later he caught me dashing to the airstream when I belatedly heard him driving in. He finally asked if we were nudists, to which I answered in the affirmative and he stated that he and his wife had tried that once in Hawaii on a nude beach and that was fine as long as they didn’t know the other nudes. We now have an alarm on the driveway so we are for warned. My daughters asked my wife and myself not to advertise our preference to be nude, because they go to high school here and wish not to be known as the nudist girls which might bring the wrong type of attention from all quarters. We still are naked in our house and hate to dress to go to town but we make some concessions to remain under the radar. We do have summer BBQs with nudists from all over who are members of the web site True Nudist and Montana Naturist Organization but we close the gate and lock it. So if you are ever in Montana let us know, we’ll have a BBQ together!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I enjoyed the article and others you have written. I find it also hard to talk to others about naturism.

    Nothing is wrong with naturism, just explain why you and your girlfriend Tara enjoy it. Maybe try to invite your friend to bareoaks this summer to show her.


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  13. I have been seen naked so many times but not at nudist camps (they are illegal in Malta) but at clinics and hospitals. When I needed a bowel wash for a barium enema a female nurse came and when she saw me wearing my pyjamas she asked me to remove “both trousers” I was a bit ashamed but the next day as I was called I fou nd two radiologists both female. As expected I was asked to remove “both trousers”
    I did as they said but as I came out of the changing room wearing only my vest, one of them told me whether I enjoyed being naked since I had not put on my goiwn!

    Liked by 2 people

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