You are at home, naked as the day you were born and happier for being so, minding your own business. When it happens, there is a knock at the front door. What do you do? Most naturists have been there before and I believe most of us have a plan of action for such occurrences, at least those who do not live at a naturist park or resort and have to think about who is on the other side of the door. Unfortunately I do not live at a naturist park or resort, and nudity laws are still on the books where we live so we have made some preparations. Tara and I added frosting to the accent windows next to our front door and replaced the glass insert with a fully frosted one as well. And just for convenience we each have a spare set of clothes tucked away in the front hall closet so we don’t have to run up stairs and miss out on a delivery.
Like many naturists, we choose to keep a hard line between our naturist world and our textile friends and family. I know many of you are much more open and that is wonderful, however my chosen career path and my very conservative, very religious family make this close to impossible. To keep the peace and avoid the drama only our closest friends and fellow naturists know the truth about our naturist life. Sometimes we do blur the line a little, and we have one close friend in particular that allows us to do so easily. Cathy (not her real name) is not a naturist but is very “liberal” leaning, and the three of us have been friends since high school. Not only was she one of the first to know when Tara and I became a couple, but she was also one of the first to know we are naturists. Thanks to Cathy’s openness and comfort with us, when she visits Tara and I are free to remain nude while she remains clothed although even Cathy dips her toe in the naturist water if only a little. Our new hot tub (great addition to the naturist home!) is primarily for “nudes only” and she loves the hot tub enough to take part au natural, although usually not before a glass of wine. We also have a new tradition of sorts when watching hockey games at our house, the three of us each wear only a hockey jersey. Its a pretty great arrangement that allows us be naturists at home even when a close friend visits, and allows her to be a bit more “liberal” without crossing the line into full naturism for which she is not ready. Yet.
Tara and I love watching hockey on TV and it is extra special when Cathy joins us. On a recent Saturday night, also known as “Hockey Night in Canada”, we were getting ready for Cathy to arrive, we got her usual text, “be there in 2 minutes” and sure enough the doorbell rang a few minutes later. Tara thought nothing of it to go to the door as she has done in this situation several times before and opened it without covering up, peaking her head out while doing her best to keep her body behind the door as protection from the cold outside and just in case any neighbours may be out for a walk. From the kitchen I hear Tara greeting Cathy
“About time you….. shit”
And the door slammed.
It was not Cathy as expected, and it was not the UPS or Pizza delivery guys, we have had those close calls before. No it was a bit more awkward than that. Tara’s sister was at the door, wanting to drop something off while she was in the area unexpectedly. And wow was it unexpected for us all. Tara’s sister like the rest of her family knows nothing about naturism. Not conservative or religious in the way my family is, but also not ones to think spending most of your free time without clothes is anything but perverted debauchery. So what do we do now? Her sister is still outside the door, we are inside and fully naked. Actually I had oven mitts on as the timer for the mozza sticks in the oven had just buzzed as the doorbell rang, but that was not helping in the current predicament. I know many of you may have been in this situation and maybe you handled it differently than we did, or will if this one day happens to you, but to be honest we panicked. Like a couple of teenagers who just got caught losing their virginity, I streaked upstairs, pun intended, while Tara grabbed her spare outfit from the closet and dressed faster than you would think possible, both of us cursing to ourselves “shit, shit, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck”. Finally Tara reopened the door completely out of breath, but at least dressed.
At first it was a little funny. Tara was laughing as her sister entered, completely shocked but not into silence, not at all. “What the fuck are you two doing? I know you are still a new couple but were you having sex in the kitchen? And why the hell did you answer the door with no clothes on?” This only made Tara laugh more. Further questions followed as I finished getting dressed and eventually got the courage to return from my upstairs hiding place. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, Tara’s sister still asking questions in the kitchen, Tara laughing so much she was unable to answer any of them, the door bell rang again. I opened the door, and then it got a little more funny. This time it was Cathy who seemed to pick the one break in the noise to joke:
“Is everything ok? Why aren’t you naked?”
Thanks Cathy, that was just what this situation needed, more awkward questions.
“Oh my God, Cathy is part of this? Did I interrupt an orgy? What the fuck is wrong with you people?”
It took some time, but eventually Tara managed to stop laughing long enough to tell her sister that it was not what she thought, not as bad as it looks, and “please don’t tell dad”
Now what? I have a hard enough time discussing what naturism is and is not, with fellow naturists who understandably have varied opinions. It was more difficult trying to open up about it with our close friends who are not exposed to social nudity outside their bedrooms. Clearing up this disaster was something else entirely. First you have to repeat many times: we are not perverts and this has nothing to do with sex. In her own way Cathy was helpful for that part at least, mentioning many times that even the idea of sex with me was very upsetting to her. We spent a good hour explaining what we think naturism is for us and how we found our way into being naturists, oh and did we mention it has nothing to do with sex, at least for us? One thing that did seem to help the conversation was something I admit I borrowed from another naturist, but I can’t remember who it was. I spelled out that just because some one is naked, does not mean you will be aroused, just because someone is fully clothed, does not mean you wont be, the clothes are irrelevant. We also tried to compare other cultural differences and how one group may be offended by another groups traditional clothing or be grossed out by some culinary dishes. Not that I have given much thought to Naturism as being its own culture, but I have to admit when you put it that way, it does seem to make some sense and it helped the conversation along. The important thing is we seemed to make some sense and she agreed to keep this to herself, and just as important, to call before stopping by in the future. In the end the only upsetting thing to come from all this was we missed the first two periods of the hockey game, Toronto won so it could have been worse. Go Leafs Go!
I know plenty of you will say we could have avoided this by not hiding our naturist life to begin with, and that is true. The reality for us is that is just not a possibility and would create a whole new world of problems. I like to keep my life as simple as possible and for that reason we will continue to take steps to keep those two worlds separate. I figure by the time I retire no one will be left who cares and I can move to a naturist club in Florida or Mexico. I am interested in hearing how others have handled this situation themselves so if you have been here before yourself, please share in the comments or reply via my Facebook or Twitter pages